I wish I could punch you in the face.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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