You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
