You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
