ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
