Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
