i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
