Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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