Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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