Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
