I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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