Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
