so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
