dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm really busy with my period
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