Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
