not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
