At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
