I hate all girls vehemently.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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