you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
