He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
