who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
