Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
