ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
