he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
