That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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