i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
