For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
