it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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