yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
