Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
