Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
