Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
