dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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