And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
