We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
