if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
