I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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