honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
