For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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