worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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