Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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