We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The power of my boobs compel you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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