You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.