They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
