Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2476) Bad night (795)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.

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  (561): I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone. http://tfl.nu/li7n
  Replies (10) Good night (2374) Bad night (580)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?

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  (512): So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!? http://tfl.nu/rmce
  Replies (31) Good night (3080) Bad night (1410)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"

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  (563): I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical" http://tfl.nu/2xah
  Replies (20) Good night (1287) Bad night (3095)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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  (614): If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people http://tfl.nu/avir
  Replies (19) Good night (4525) Bad night (1255)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?

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  (215): what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop? http://tfl.nu/1iue
  Replies (245) Good night (5142) Bad night (1138)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.

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  (+44): She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them. http://tfl.nu/h4ql
  Replies (12) Good night (3838) Bad night (1369)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.

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  (507): I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies. (1-507): We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA. http://tfl.nu/9erc
  Replies (21) Good night (2487) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.

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  (313): No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea. http://tfl.nu/zdpv
  Replies (9) Good night (799) Bad night (1371)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?

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  (910): This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/41ta
  Replies (6) Good night (2285) Bad night (768)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...

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  (603): oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar... http://tfl.nu/mqjx
  Replies (12) Good night (679) Bad night (1410)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.

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  (603): No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized. http://tfl.nu/mdx3
  Replies (10) Good night (418) Bad night (995)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.

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  (+44): You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality. http://tfl.nu/86pw
  Replies (4) Good night (968) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job

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  (778): I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job http://tfl.nu/qp1e
  Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.

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  (513): If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can. http://tfl.nu/a0mj
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (266)

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