I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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