Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I didn't shave. On purpose
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night