i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's