OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town