from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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