First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
