I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As shirtless as possible
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
did you just send me my own nude
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
