If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
