:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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