i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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