He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
