I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize