I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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