i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
