You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
