i think my mom watched the whole time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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