She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
