He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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