I wish my penis had an off switch
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
