He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
