I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
