Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
