i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
even my farts smell like vagina
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
