you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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