I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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