I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
