She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
