So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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