I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
