DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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