I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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