I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
