we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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