for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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