Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
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so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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