alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
