Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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