I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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