I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
soo... how was my night?
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