So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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