I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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